


Chronicles of a Nostalgic Neopian & a Bratty Xweetok

by Hiver_Frost_Elf



Category: Neopets
Genre: Diary/Journal, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Plush Menagerie, Plushies, Satire
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-23 03:06:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9638288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiver_Frost_Elf/pseuds/Hiver_Frost_Elf
Summary: Join HFE and Blitz in the magical world of Neopia!  It sure has changed since the last time HFE logged in, yet HFE has remained as lazy and impulsive as ever.





	1. Our Starter Pack Is Useless

February 9th, 2017

Once upon a time, I thought my biggest issue was deciding whether or not I wanted a blue Xweetok or a yellow Xweetok.  Of the starter colors, I favor blue in real life, but yellow blazed against Xweetok brown, hence my fall to the Dark Side… or for those of you who played Blue’s Art Time Activities like I did as a kid (and a few times when I was way beyond the target audience yet my nostalgia was not), I fell to the Warm Side.

I’ve been off and on Neopets for years, and this year became an on year after nostalgia blew in like a hurricane.  My self-control is a leaf—not a shiny golden leaf, a scraggly brown tissue with more holes than a level of Snowmuncher.

Plus, Xweetoks are adorable <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

I didn’t realize at the time that no matter what color Xweetok I created, I’d end up with a bratty Xweetok.  Blitz “likes reading and learning”… unless the book is called _Mystery of the Kougra Paw_.

That’s right, folks, my adorable carpet’s review of the starter book is “That is like such a boring book!”

Turns out, this phenomenon is not just limited to literature.  His reaction to his blue Ixi plushie was to radiate disappointment.

“Thanks for playing, but all my friends have more toys than me :("

“What friends???” I let exasperation get the best of me. “You’re not even an hour old!  You haven’t had enough time to make _a_ friend, never mind a plural amount of friends.”

I knew I’d gone too far when he dissolved into tears, whimpers, and sniffles, “You’re my friend, and you have lots of toys!”

I gazed upon my dresser inhabited by more knickknacks than clothes and bought a green Fuzzle plushie for the low, low price of 220 Neopoints.

“Yay!”

“That’s the laziest way to say ‘thank you’ I’ve ever heard,” I said as I patted his head before diving in for a hug. “I’m so proud of you!”


	2. Waterlogged Sushi Cybunny Moon Calculus

February 13th, 2017

Neopets have eclectic tastes in literature.  Granted, I don’t read outside of class, video game manuals, and fanfiction.  Maybe I’d be a bit more enthusiastic about books if humans wrote classics such as _Korbat Calculus_ , _Waterlogged Book_ , _Moon Dust Scroll_ , and _Sushi Rolling 101_.  Blitz’s latest literary feast included _Cybunny Diary_ , which must’ve contained the secrets of the universe cuz he’s a mega genius now.

“WOW! 30 books is quite a lot... maybe I could be in the running for the Neopian Book Award!!!”

Thus, it falls to me to write a reality check after clicking over to the NBA page, “All but one of the top 30 Neopets have read at least 3,000 books.”

Ugh. He’s doing that tightened-lip pouty thing that makes me buy him stuff.  I am not painted marshmallow.  I refuse to give in this time, “I’ve already bought you four books today.  You need to pace yourself, pal.”

“READ ALL DA BOOKS!!!”

“Or we could play Freaky Factory instead!” I counteroffer hopefully.

“....” the tightened-lip pouty thing finally goes away. “Okay!”


	3. Slap a Label on Yourself

February 14, 2017

That’s right, it’s Valentine’s Day: aka roses are red, plaster hearts everywhere, and buy chocolate for whoever Cupid shot you for :P

“You’re just saying that cuz you’ll be forever alone,” smirks Blitz.

“So will you, ya little twerp.” Especially considering I have no plans to create or adopt another Neopet.As someone whose siblings accomplished the miracle of turning out lazier and more asocial than me, believe me when I say that single-animal/human households generate considerably less conflict.Don’t worry if they get lonely, that’s what Neopets are for. “And I prefer the term ‘forever available’.”

As much as I love this comeback, I realize how dumb it is for an asexual, aromantic to say this, but *shrugs*.I might be demisomething, but that would require a bond with someone to feel demisomething for.I don’t think about how to label myself—beyond “insane, lazy, impulsive, and asocial”—since that’s not a productive use of my time.What is a productive use of my time is teaching my bratty Xweetok how good he has it.He doesn’t have to deal with folks not understanding how he feels—or rather, how he doesn’t feel—about a hormone-charged activity.Considering he’s less than 200 hours old, he really shouldn’t have folks discussing this with him at all.Then again, he lives in the internet, so does anybody know the protocol for giving Neopets the Talk??? Cuz I sure don’t.That might’ve been in the FAQ I skipped in favor of reading up on this newfangled Trudy’s Surprise.

What I prefer to say instead is “I identify as I don’t care and my sexual orientation is not a chance in hell”.Sure, it’s not as succinct as “asexual, aromantic—possibly demiwhatever”, but at least with my way, I don't need to spend an hour defining and explaining concepts folks think are as foreign as Kreludor or Shenkuu.

So Happy Valentine's Day, however y'all celebrate it, if you do <3 <3 <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for taking time to read this :) enjoy what you do here and everywhere!


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